Chicken Soup for the Soul
by Mya Uzo
Summary: Bella isn't just a Swan. She's an Addams! Apparently... Based loosely on a writing prompt about summoning a demon with a cookbook


Writing prompt: The demon stands amid your destroyed kitchen screaming, "How? How were you able to summon me?!" You're standing in the corner flipping through your grandma's cookbook as fast as you can, screaming back, "I don't know! You were supposed to be chicken soup!"

AN: This may be a oneshot If I add more it may only just be a chapter or two.

Chicken soup for the soul

"When I was a young girl, I never managed to fit in with my family. You see they were freaky, scary, and monstrous. My mother had skin pale as snow and hair as dark as the night. She always seemed ethereal in a terrifying way. My father was…a lunatic to put it simply. I lost track of how many times he attacked the family lawyer. Poor man was driven crazy. My brothers and my sister loved me, but they did not quite understand me. When we played the games hurt and sometimes I was terribly sick afterward. My family loved me and they tried to spend time with me, but I was just…an abomination. My skin was tan, my hair dark blonde, my eyes a bright shining blue. And while I tried to spend time with them my body just couldn't handle it. All was not lost for me though, or at least I thought so. I spent time with Grandmama. Oh how she loved to cook with me. I seemed to ruin everything I touched, but she liked the challenge of making the food edible to the rest of the family. I had _some_ talent however. We spent time together making soaps and lotions for Mother. Mine were always a little too…boring for their tastes, it seemed no matter what things just did not turn out quite right. The final straw for me was during my great Uncle's birthday party. The cake didn't settle right with me and I started vomiting. In front of everyone too! How embarrassing it was! I could see how my extended family looked at my family with pity. I was such a burden. A disappointment. After that I decided to leave. I just had to get away! I moved across the country and I never saw them again."

"Were you ashamed of them? Your family?"

"Oh heavens no dear. It seems you've missed the whole point. I was ashamed of me. I mean, what kind of Addams vomits up a lovely strychnine and poison oak cake? It had such lovely mistletoe berry jam inside as well."

"Aren't those…poisonous?"

"Well of course they are."

"I…see."

"I created this cookbook with my life essence. Every descendant of mine has felt the urge to cook something from this book. Only one with true Addams potential would cook the recipe that would summon my spirit."

"It was just chicken soup!"

"Well, didn't it seem odd to you that it called for Egg yolk stained with the blood of an innocent chicken?"

"I thought it was just an old family recipe! I didn't want to change anything about it!"

"You killed a chicken."

"No I didn't! The butcher sells chicken blood."

"Anyways!," the spirit continued loudly, "every other recipe calls for one particular strange ingredient. Every one of my other descendants simply omitted those the ingredients."

"I was just following the recipe!"

"Tell me dear, if you had made the recipe for meatloaf would you have used ground up cow eyes as part of the meat base?"

"…I couldn't find cow eyes."

"Exactly!"

"Okay, so what? What does this mean being an Addams?"

"Well, you were blessed with the Addam's good looks. Such lovely pale skin, and your heart shape face reminds me so much of my dear sister Wednesday. I am so happy you managed to retain the Addams trait for dark hair and eyes despite my unfortunate genetics. And your facial reactions and features are all Wednesday and Mother. I have yet to see you smile once!"

"I can smile. I just have nothing to smile about."

"Try it."

Bella forced a smile.

The spirit nodded approvingly.

"Just as I thought. Reduced facial muscles. I always managed to look so angry while I was contemplating murder. Only a true Addams can murder with such a blank face."

"Are you calling me a sociopath?"

"Oh no. dear. Every Addams feels intensely. Our bodies just aren't built to show it. Or at least theirs weren't."

"Great." Bella said dryly.

"Tell me Bella have you been actively pursued by boys recently?"

"Yes," Bella blinked, "A few guys at school have been interested." There was Mike, Tyler, Jacob, those motorcycle guys, James…

"And have you dated any of them?"

"There was Edward, but he moved away."

"You have the Addams allure. I had that as well, but I feel like my deformed Barbie-like body was partially the reason." The spirit frowned. "Tell me about this Edward."

"Edward was," Bella trailed off, "Edward was a vampire and I thought…I thought he was the one."

"And he left?" The spirit said chillingly.

"Yes, he said he was tired of me and tired of pretending to be human."

"You loved him." It was a statement. Not a question.

"I loved him with all that I had. After he left, I went into a deep depression. I wouldn't eat and barely did the bare minimum of school and house work. I had terrifying nightmares every night. Begging him to come back. He never did. It's been a year now and I don't think he is ever coming back."

"You bounced back well." The spirit nodded. "Tell me more about him."

Bella began explaining about how she met the Cullens and their diet and everything.

"Well, I hate to say it honey, but that makes sense. You fell in love with a vegetarian vampire. Sure, you two might have clicked, but your Addams nature directly conflicts with the vegetarianism."

"Are you saying Edward and I didn't work out because he was a vegetarian?"

"Exactly! Any red eyed vamp would have turned you in a heartbeat. Or tried to at least. I am not sure, but your blood might be lethal to them."

"What."

"That's the funny thing about Addams. Blood shows up normal in all the tests, but for some reason it poisons normal people or burns like the dickens. Any blood not freely taken is a whole other thing! One time Wednesday was kidnapped by this cult and they tried to sacrifice her to be the host of their god. Didn't work though. Once she was possessed the god just screamed and screamed and then she burped out fire. That was always her favorite part."

"A vampire…bit me once."

"Is he dead?" the spirit asked intrigued.

"Yeah, but only because Edward's family ripped him apart."

"Well, he probably didn't have much longer to live anyways. How much venom did he get in you?"

"Some. I was almost turned, but the Cullens sucked it out."

The spirit snorted.

"Oh child it does not work that way. That venom is still there circulating. Don't worry the Addams blood is stronger and will keep it in line."

"Are you saying I can never be turned into a vampire?"

"Not against your will, no. It has to be a conscious decision or that's what cousin Elvira said. I probably wouldn't have gotten so lucky though."

Bella was silent.

"Kill anybody yet?"

"What?! No!"

"Oh, too bad. Homicidal tendencies is one of the best Addams trait to have. I've only acted on it a couple times though."

"I was suicidal for a while. I had hallucinations as well." Bella thought about her adrenaline spree awhile back. She stopped seeing Edward after awhile though, so she quit before she killed herself.

"Don't worry dear. That's normal."

"For an Addams." Bella muttered.

"Exactly! Immunity to poisons, even supernatural poisons, males are drawn to you, mental illnesses, and your hauntingly good looks are all Addams traits! I am so proud of you!"

"Thank you?"

"Grandmama and Mother are going to love to meet you!"

"They are still alive?" Bella asked shocked.

"Of course dear, we Addams don't age unless we want to. Wednesday stayed at the age of 12 for 20 years. Pugsley stopped at age 21 for awhile. I loved to watch people flounder when they saw our 'big sister'".

"But you're dead."

"Only technically, and temporarily. Turn to page 249 and let's whip up the recipe for ambrosia salad."

Bella turned to the book and began flipping through pages. She skimmed through the recipe.

"Where do I get ectoplasm and bone dust from?"

"I can provide the ectoplasm."

"And the bone dust?"

"Got a shovel?"


End file.
